It has been a lost week here. I started dropping into the hole of pain and fatigue, and it was a messy slide to the bottom from there. I am fighting the sadness that often accompanies these episodes. I try to ignore the sharp stabbing in my ribs, the dead fingertips, the feel of icy feet, and the inability to stand upright without feeling like someone has piled a heavy burden on my long bones. I am trying to forgive myself the rudeness of falling asleep in the middle of the day.
I have been trying to remember that I am immersed in abundance. There are whales in the ocean. There are birds made of dinosaurs. The trees sound like the ocean when the wind blows. We are made of the elements of the sun, and it sings to us when we sit in its radiance.
These are small images, but they have huge power to banish my negative thoughts. They give hope when the small nuisances and twinges of this disease pester me daily. My hope isn't that it will get better (because that seems a lie), but that I will master the worsening of it so that life continues to be a joy and a blessing. I just don't want to have to do it alone.