Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Healing Dreams

I have always processed my larger worries in my dreams. I wake and find myself on my back, my arms around my head, and I know that I have been Working in my dreams.
Last night, I had the first of what I hope are many healing dreams about letting go of my work as an RN. I was working with Barb, who was my mentor in real life. In the last dream I had, she had questioned whether I should be working, asking if I still had my license. In that dream, I had begged her to let me stay, and woke sad and crying.
In last night’s dream, she was accepting but wary of me, very similar to how she was when I was a new nurse. I realized in the dream that I was no longer proficient. I wasn’t sure where supplies were kept, I didn’t recognize some of the IV start kit, and, as a result, my patient was not doing well.
That sounds stressful and harried, but in the dream I was calm. I was simply aware that I was no longer ready and able. I didn’t wake sad. I woke up feeling accepting and a little relieved.
One of the weird things that happened to me on the trip to Maryland was when they announced overhead on the train that anyone with medical training was needed in the forward car. Many of us rushed to the scene where a young boy had gone into seizures. Because of the lack of supplies on the train, there wasn’t much we could do. One of the responders was a pushy woman. I recognized her need to assert herself, to be in charge, and to appear in control. I intensely disliked her, but I also remember being her in my past. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to do this anymore. I actually helped in my own way by finding the boy’s twin and grandparents. Oddly enough, they were sitting with my daughter. We talked and hugged, and I spent some time with the twin comforting her and helping her process what had happened. That part felt good!
The tarot cards I drew for my daily lesson were fitting.
The Five of Pentacles:
A financial loss that requires one to confront the choices made within that led to that loss so that they can be healed.
The Hermit:
All things change and end. We have limitations, and as we learn to accept those limits, we mature.
The World:
The end of a journey, but the beginning of a new one. I especially liked the idea that I had completed my journey. Things were whole and finished.
In the spirit of those lessons, I moved on to restarting my Owl Shawl.
This is the border. I struggled for hours yesterday with the first four rows of this pattern, but I refused to give up, and finally I got it right! I love it when perseverance pays off.

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